To some degree, most of us work with kids - whether they're our own, a relative's, a friend's, a neighbor's, a student we teach or coach.  Kids are everywhere, and there is something unique about all of them.  Interesting enough, if you listen to most adult conversations about kids, we're all experts on them!   

Kids - gotta love them!

If you want to know the truth about self, just ask a kid!  They have few inhibitions about telling you exactly what's on their mind.  This week, we continue with our featured writer, Catherine Busby (from Scotland), as she continues to write insightful information about kids.  If you missed her article last week on the adolescent boy, click here.  

This week, Cathy writes about the adolescent girl.  What makes a girl unique outside of the physiological changes she goes through?  What can we do as adults to help her ease into and through her adolsecent and teen years?  What do you find helfp to relieve the stress that she may cause in your home or classroom?  We would love to hear your insightful comments about how you manage this stage of a girl's development. 

Kids - gotta love them!

P.S.  When you comment, be sure to list your state/country.

 

Support Your Girl into Womanhood

By: Catherine Busby

It is inevitable; your little girl will, all too soon it can seem, blossom into a young woman – the adolescent period is one of great transformation and adjustment.  This adjustment is a family and indeed societal affair; alongside being a torrent of chemical and physical changes experienced by the individual.

With good nutrition and health care, the onset of female puberty has been decreasing steadily in the western world.  One of the most marked and potentially alarming physical developments for young woman, and often some members of their families, is the onset of menstruation or menses.  The average age of this process starting is around 13 years (historically American women’s average 100 years ago was closer to 16) but can occur as early as 8 years.  This can seem remarkable, but having a menstrual episode is not the same as being in a firm and predictable menstrual cycle; often early menstruation can present as a ‘one off’ as hormones are released into the body.

None-the-less, an understandable focus of female maturation is menstruation.  For a start it only affects women, so can remain a ‘hidden subject’.  Brothers, fathers and boy friends can see it as a taboo; but for a healthy introduction to adulthood, and womanhood, it is worth trying to be as ‘open’ and knowledgeable as possible whether you are a mother or a father; a sister or a brother.   Certainly the practical sensitivities should extend beyond gender roles and those supporting the young woman into development should be aware that early menstruation can cause discomfort, confusion and embarrassment. 

Buying products which are unfamiliar can be a surprisingly awkward process – so introduce your family to the full contents of your monthly shopping cart well before the adolescent years; browse the ‘feminine hygiene’ section (or the shaving foam section for boys!) just like you browse the shampoos or the apples!  Comment upon TV commercials, for specific menstrual products, as much as you would comment on cereal commercials.

Aches and pains can mean the young woman feels uncomfortable, hungry, headache-y or sore – so sensitively deal with a sluggish young woman.  If your young woman shrugs off an invitation to swim, or take part in sports, open your mind to the possible reasons – show empathy and if appropriate, offer some simple home remedies – a bath, a hot water bottle, a rest!  Don’t impatiently stomp outside the bathroom door if she’s taking a bit longer than usual!

Encourage good personal hygiene – skin care pampers can help esteem and fight blemishes, drinking water boosts glowing skin and mental function; incorporate healthier habits on the whole and you will coincidentally benefit the adolescent young woman.

Of course, this is not the only physical change that young women undergo.  Other quite obvious signs of maturity can include a change in body shape.  While we all develop differently and with different body shapes; widening hips, heavier thighs and breasts will all appear.  Again, sensitivity is needed – best not to have a brother laughing or mocking his sister, or a father suddenly awkward about hugs and bedtime kisses.  Your daughter, like an adolescent son, is experiencing a lot of changes – and in a gender defining world, no matter how we might hope for equality and female-esteem, there are different views on male and female reproduction and maturity.

Of course, one fear or focus on this process can be simple – pregnancy.  The young female fertile body may bear the consequence of sexual activity that a man need never worry about!  Think of all of the judgements, societal norms and clichés around women.  Promiscuity is often defined differently between the sexes, as is even the most basic of dress codes and expectations – short skirts and thin tops may be considered inviting and provocative for women; a ‘dangerous’ signal.  For men, showing muscles (and therefore ‘appropriate’ flesh) is often seen as a sign of strength or prowess.  Even in the 21^st century, your young woman faces an uneven or different set of expectations and judgements.  It is not helpful to her to feel unsupported or isolated further by those closest to her and your job is to treat her as an individual; a wonderful creation worthy of esteem and absolutely capable of strength, tenacity and independence.

We are often fearful for our loved one; fearful of how others will interpret them, fearful of physicality mismatching cognitive decision making.  For any adolescent this is true, but the key to strength is often self-esteem; a cruel irony given the delicate inner image most young women possess, thanks to media and beauty myths and assertions.

To really support and understand your young developing woman, aim to empower her.  Tell her she IS beautiful, even if she is seemingly ‘ahead’ or ‘behind’ the rest of her peers.  Ensure she is aware of her ability to contribute and interact in a way not reliant upon physicality; yes, this is one dimension of her individuality, but not the only one.  Teach her she is valued and she will value herself.  Teach her to be an independent thinker, and she will learn to make up her own mind.  Assure her not to be ashamed of her changing physical state, and show her she can control her development through healthy eating and exercise, or by neither.  It is up to her. 

Again, the process of puberty, for girls, can continue until late teens and even early 20’s.  As a woman you need resilience and strength in life; and teaching your maturing girl such skills and techniques is vital. Equally true, as a woman, should she go on to bear children, she will develop a different body again;  handling change and self-image, understanding her role in this frantic and sometimes divisive world, understanding not to be disgusted but enthralled by her physicality, are all central to success.  Ensure your daughter has a positive and optimistic view of womanhood, a future of fulfillment, opportunity, equality and creativity.  In doing so, whether YOU are a man or a woman, you can only benefit from being the teacher of such lessons.

Catherine Busby has a Masters Degree from Glasgow University and a history of working in the charity sector. She now divides her work time between Lecturing and Freelance writing.  She lives by the sea in Scotland with her 2 young children.  You can e-mail Cathy at cathysuebusby@aol.co.uk.